Say The Words I Want to Hear
by Yoroshii Ohtori
Summary: It was only a simple question. I only wanted to know how he truly feels… He didn’t have to be so mean about it. Shuichi x Yuki Angst & Fluff.


**Say the Words I Want to Hear**

**Summary:** It was only a simple question. I only wanted to know how he truly feels… He didn't have to be so mean about it. (Shuichi x Yuki)

**By: **Klyukaizer

* * *

"Yuki…"

Tap. Tap. Tap.

"Yuki…"

Tap. Tap. Tap.

"_Yuki!_" Shuichi called for the nth time, irritated at the fact that his lover won't answer him. "_Yuki, please answer me…_" Shuichi pouted as the blonde novelist continued ignoring his pesky boyfriend, having a due date to catch up. "Not now, brat. I'm busy." Yuki snapped coldly. "But you're always busy… you don't have time for me anymore." Shuichi whined.

"Then you'll just have to be busy too. That way we both will finish something." Yuki said easily.

"No fair. You're always like this when I wanted to talk to you, Yuki." Shuichi was seriously sad this time, dropping the pouts, the whines and playful acts. "Fine. Make it quick." Yuki mocked and looked at the pink-haired vocalist afterwards. Shuichi was a little hurt at that statement but decided to continue, his lips moved but no words came out.

"What?" Yuki asked as he took off his glasses.

"I want to know if you really love me…" Shuichi repeated, "Do you love me, Yuki?"

Yuki raised an eyebrow. There they were again. Shuichi would always come out like this emotionally and would soon pester the blonde about not loving him too much or not caring about his feelings at all and all that crap! It was starting to get on his nerves and the questions were driving him crazy.

"How many times do you have to ask me that, brat?" The novelist snapped. "How many times do I have to ask for you to answer me?" Shuichi countered, silencing the blonde for the first time. Yuki sighed, as he proceeded to typing again. But before he could start, Shuichi slammed his palms down to the table. "Answer me, Yuki." Shuichi raised his voice, raging in anger for the first time.

"You're wasting my time. Ask me another day." Yuki said coldly and tapped on his laptop once again. "And what? And get the same, _'How many times do you have to ask me that'_ answer? I want my answer now, Yuki." Shuichi said desperately, making the novelist pissed second after second. "Fine. You really want my answer that badly, brat?" Yuki raised his voice as he stood up, "Ask yourself that. What do _you_ think?"

Shuichi looked up at Yuki fearlessly. Hurt, Anger, Love and Bewilderment present at the depths of his eyes. Without waiting for his pink-haired lover to react, Yuki sat back down and proceeded with his novel. Shuichi was left to stand there as he stared at his lover's fast fingers typing away. The sound of tapping keys was heard before Shuichi turned around silently, quietly leaving the room.

But before he could finally close the door behind him, Yuki heard him say, "You could've told me that long ago… Otherwise, I wouldn't have wasted my time." And with that, the door closed.

* * *

Shuichi sat carelessly on the living room grounds; his legs sprawled widely on the carpeted floor. He let all his tears fall as he slowly allowed them to drop on the soft fabric. He felt hurt and depression rushing up inside his chest, but why was he smiling? Why wasn't he screaming? Why wasn't he thrashing around in anger? He asked himself that.

"Because I already know the reason…" Shuichi whispered to himself as he stroked the carpet. "I just wanted to hear it coming from him." He smiled as he let out a small chuckle, "Why did he take me in when he didn't want to? He could've just said, No. Why did he kiss me when he didn't want to? He could've just bit me or something." He asked as he pulled his legs up to his chest and buried his face on the depths of his knees.

"I wouldn't mind." Shuichi whispered, "I wouldn't mind at all, Yuki…" The vocalist paused, "At least I'd know the truth. At least I'd know that you truly hate me." Shuichi blinked all the tears away from his eyes, "What's the point of making me think that you love me when you actually don't? I don't understand you at all…" Every single thought was suffocating Shuichi more; it was hard to breathe and everything felt spinning.

Shuichi closed his eyes tightly and felt his tears burning his eyes and cheeks. "At least I would've given up sooner. At least it didn't have to hurt as much as it does right now." He sobbed, choking as he felt dryness at the back of his throat. "I love you, Yuki… I love you so much."

The sound of a door opening suddenly alerted Shuichi. He instantly wiped his tears away and stood up, not looking back at the novelist who just came out of his study. "What're you doing?" His lover asked him, seeing the rosette standing in the middle of the living room. Shuichi smiled, still not looking back to his "boyfriend" and asked, "Want some dinner? Wait for a moment, It's almost done."

"Don't bother. I'm going to bed." Yuki said simply and yawned, walking towards his bedroom. Yet again, another tug at Shuichi's chest was added. He let out the loudest sigh, hoping that it could stop his tears from falling momentarily. Yuki noticed this though, he wasn't that dull. "What's your problem, brat? Is this still about before?" Yuki asked angrily, making Shuichi clutch his fists.

"So it really _is_ over…" Shuichi murmured, not allowing Yuki to hear. But Yuki heard most of it to conclude something. "What're you talking about?" Yuki raised an eyebrow and was about to grab Shuichi by the elbow, but the pink-haired vocalist dodged out of the way, walking to the kitchen. Yuki followed closely behind and saw that Shuichi was cleaning the messy kitchen, which was covered by the unchopped vegetables and the unprepared dinner.

After keeping all the stuff away, Shuichi walked towards the bathroom, still being followed by Yuki. Shuichi started clearing out his toothbrush, toothpaste and other possessions. Yuki could see by now what Shuichi had meant.

"Are you leaving?" A pathetic question. But nonetheless, blunt and effective.

"Ask yourself that. What do _you_ think?" Was all Shuichi could muster up, repeating what Yuki had told him before. Yuki was a taken back a little as he finally took a firm grip on Shuichi's wrist. "What are you trying to do? What're you trying to prove?" Yuki demanded, making him see Shuichi's tear-stricken face. His eyes widened at the sight and both men were left in a daze of silence for a while. It took them a few minutes before Shuichi smiled to the blonde.

"I'm leaving…" Shuichi answered, looking down, "Yeah… I'm leaving." He concluded. The vocalist was smiling when he said that as he raised his head and looked at Yuki sadly, "Wouldn't you want that, Yuki? Wouldn't you want me to go away?"

"After all, what's the point in making me stay? Right?" Shuichi smirked, "I know you want me to leave. At least I wouldn't be causing you too much trouble if you had to go ahead and do it yourself." Shuichi nodded, "So yeah, that's right… I'm leaving…" Yuki was shocked. He didn't know how to answer it. He was definitely in a pinch. He felt his grip loosening around Shuichi's wrist as Shuichi walked past him to continue gathering his belongings.

"Please stay."

Shuichi stopped in his tracks as his back met with Yuki's. Shuichi lowered his head and clutched his fists, "I thought you wanted me to leave… you're just saying that because you're feeling pitiful towards me aren't you? But… I don't want you to make that kind of decision, Yuki… you'd only be sad." When no reply came out from Yuki, Shuichi took this as Yuki's agreement.

"Good bye, Yuki Eiri…" Shuichi started walking away and Yuki felt a thousand daggers stabbing him slowly and painfully. His life was leaving him as we speak, and there he was, doing nothing but stand and allow time to pass and Shuichi walking away further and further. Shuichi was leaving his life… he was just going to walk away and leave Yuki like this--

"_Don't go!_"

Shuichi stopped in his tracks and looked back to Yuki, who was slowly approaching Shuichi like a lifeless zombie. "Please… don't go…" Yuki whispered as he touched Shuichi by the cheek. Shuichi took Yuki's hand away from his face and looked up with tears in his eyes, "Are you afraid to be alone, Yuki?" Shuichi asked silently, "You don't know how lonely it felt to be close to you… you feel so near, yet so far away."

Yuki's eyes furrowed in confusion.

"It hurts being with you… having being ignored after asking how your day went. Having pushed away after asking for a simple conversation. Having turned down the offer of dinner." Shuichi looked down, still holding Yuki's hand, "Things like that made me depressed. You might think of me some sissy, but that's how I feel… I'm sorry. But, maybe the fact that we're both guys is bothering you… I may only look like some annoying kid to you, bothering you to do stupid things." Yuki looked at the silently sobbing vocalist of Bad Luck.

"I'm sorry… I'm truly sorry." Shuichi's head dropped lower as he let Yuki's hand go, making it drop to Yuki's side. As Shuichi turned for the last time, he felt two hands draw him by his shoulders. Yuki pulled him instantly towards him and embraced him tightly.

"Y-Yuki, what are you-"

"I told you not to go." Yuki snapped. Shuichi looked up to Yuki questionably and saw that Yuki was looking down at him with fierce and angry eyes. "Call me selfish or whatever. I don't care." Yuki said. And as soon as he did, he instantly pressed his lips on Shuichi's, making the pink-haired teen whimper at the sudden contact.

Shuichi closed his eyes tightly unable to believe what was currently happening. He felt Yuki's hand snaking its way towards his neck and soon to his collarbone, massaging them softly. "I love you…" Yuki broke from the kiss and planted a kiss on Shuichi's forehead, running small and soft kisses to Shuichi's eyes, nose, cheeks and neck. "I love you, Shuichi…"

"D-don't-" Yuki was taken back as he stopped. Of all the times when they made love, Shuichi had never said no or stop. He had never refused Yuki's offer. But this time, it was different. It was totally different.

He slammed Shuichi to the wall forcefully as he grabbed Shuichi by the wrist, terrified at the fact that Shuichi will be actually leaving him. His grip tightened, making Shuichi's mouth gape wide open in pain. He saw everything in anger when he suddenly saw Shuichi's tears falling harder than before. "Don't stop." Shuichi breathed, looking up to Yuki's eyes. Yuki softened.

"Shuichi-"

"_Yuki!_" Shuichi instantly jumped to Yuki and was caught swiftly by the blonde, to the point where Shuichi's head was level to Yuki's. "_Uwaaaahaaa__…_"The pink-haired vocalist embraced his lover tightly around the neck, sobbing loudly and pathetically, not caring if he sounded too childish. "_Hu__ Hu."_ He choked from a sob. But he didn't care… he didn't care. He just wanted it all out. "_Yuki…_" Shuichi whimpered and sniffed, "_Yuki…_"

"Shu…" Yuki closed his eyes and buried his face on Shuichi's shoulders, taking a sniff on Shuichi's lavender scent. He rubbed the back on Shuichi's head as he kissed the rosette by the neck. "Please don't go, Shu…"

* * *

Flush.

Yuki felt cold and woke up to find the other side of his bed empty. _Where's Shuichi?_ Panicking, he bolted upright from his bed and found that a yawning Shuichi was simply coming out from the bathroom. The rosette blinked as he looked closely at his panic-stricken lover, "Did you have a nightmare, Yuki?" Shuichi asked with concern.

Yuki heard the tone of care on Shuichi's voice and stubbornly disallowed himself to succumb to his weaknesses. "Hn." He snapped mockingly as Shuichi walked back to the bed and squatted on his side of the mattress. The vocalist looked at his lover with a smile as he said, "I must've woken you up…"

"The flush was too loud." Yuki said as Shuichi blinked, "Pardon?"

"The sound of the flush from the toilet was too loud." Yuki emphasized, making Shuichi laugh clumsily. "Umm… hehe! Sorry… I just went to take a piss." No matter how much Shuichi laughed that moment, Yuki saw a little taint of sadness at the tone of Shuichi's voice, "Just go back to sleep, Yuki." Shuichi touched Yuki's shoulder to push him back but saw that Yuki's hand was secured tightly around his wrists. "Yuki?" Shuichi called.

Shuichi looked up with lips apart, only to see that Yuki gave a small peck on Shuichi's parting lips, followed by a tongue slipping inside his mouth. Shuichi fell back on the bed with a soft thud as he allowed himself to be explored by his lover.

Shuichi blinked the moment their lips parted and looked up blankly to Yuki's gaze. "Yuki?"

"I was only kidding, _baka_." Yuki said as Shuichi's eyes blinked some more and blushed, "I- I know… that…" Yuki smirked at that as he touched Shuichi's cheeks, "Right," He chuckled. "You don't believe me?" Shuichi smiled as he saw Yuki's lips curling. "Whatever." Yuki snapped as he buried his head on Shuichi's neck, nuzzling his face against Shuichi's skin.

Shuichi smiled at the feeling as both lovers spent that night cuddling with each other.

The pink-haired vocalist realized that didn't need to hear it any longer. Love isn't measured by how many times you say it.

But how many times you felt it…

**End.**


End file.
